Who am I?
I was in the 8th grade when I think I began my journey of faith. Well, at least that’s about where I would put it at the moment. Until then I was Catholic, but now I guess I would consider myself Protestant. Until then I was Hispanic, now I guess I would consider myself “white”. It’s such a strange thing growing up, making decisions for yourself, changing and adapting into who you will become, figuring out who it that you are now, and most importantly meshing those two things with who it is that you were and have always been.
As of recently I’ve been conflicted in so many ways about who it is that I am and what it is that I believe. Ranging all the way from politics to religion, the entire spectrum of what it is that might make me who I am has never been an area of earnest conviction. Nor has it been one of apathy I would say, but it seems that my beliefs have been based solely upon my particular associations, justified or not. For example: I’ve been Catholic because my family was, white because my friends were, Mexican because I was Catholic, Republican because I was Protestant, anti-Catholic because I was Baptist, white because all my friends were, and an ass (well, I don’t imagine there’s an excuse for that). But until now, I have convinced myself that the “way to be” was the “way to fit in”, and whether or not my spiritual/political meanderings where actual representations of the people I surrounded myself with was ancillary. I’m not saying this to demean any community I’ve been in cohorts with, it just seems that as a person I tend to go with whatever flow I find myself in at the time.
As a result, I’ve evolved into a man who has no personal identity pertaining to who he is and what he stands for. And worse yet, has no backbone to stand up for what he was or where he came from. This is a problem.
to be continued...
As of recently I’ve been conflicted in so many ways about who it is that I am and what it is that I believe. Ranging all the way from politics to religion, the entire spectrum of what it is that might make me who I am has never been an area of earnest conviction. Nor has it been one of apathy I would say, but it seems that my beliefs have been based solely upon my particular associations, justified or not. For example: I’ve been Catholic because my family was, white because my friends were, Mexican because I was Catholic, Republican because I was Protestant, anti-Catholic because I was Baptist, white because all my friends were, and an ass (well, I don’t imagine there’s an excuse for that). But until now, I have convinced myself that the “way to be” was the “way to fit in”, and whether or not my spiritual/political meanderings where actual representations of the people I surrounded myself with was ancillary. I’m not saying this to demean any community I’ve been in cohorts with, it just seems that as a person I tend to go with whatever flow I find myself in at the time.
As a result, I’ve evolved into a man who has no personal identity pertaining to who he is and what he stands for. And worse yet, has no backbone to stand up for what he was or where he came from. This is a problem.
to be continued...
i'm on the edge of my seat...
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:22 PM
I like your thoughts and your honesty. I think when we say we have it all figured out is when we need to start over. Its the mystery of life and of God...when we put everything in a box and label everything as absolute...well our world crumbles when it isnt so. But it is so exciting to begin again. It puts so much mystery into life and makes it more new. So I don't see it so much as a problem but a new starting point.
Posted by
Mother May I |
8:43 PM